The Runaway Bride.. Pt 2

Hiiiiiiii Guys,

Thank you all so much for reading ‘The Runaway Bride pt 1’. I really do appreciate all the love. (For those who haven’t read it yet this post will make no sense so check it out!)

Okay, so I’ve been receiving a few messages along these lines ‘ I can’t believe how brave you are’, ‘Your post was so open and transparent’. I’m here thinking ‘I haven’t even gotten to the juicy part yet.’ LOL.  Let me tell you why I am keeping it 100. One of my spiritual mentors Pastor Ope once told me ‘ the power of sin lies in secrecy’. I truly believe that whatever you keep hidden still has power over you. Also Romans 8:1 [NLT] says 

‘so now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.’ 

I believe that Christ has forgiven me of all my sins; I feel no guilt for my past mistakes hence I can openly share them.  I really believe that the world is looking for Christians they can relate and identify with. Your testimony might give someone the hope that they too can be redeemed by the precious blood of Jesus, no matter WHAT!  Some Christians act like they got saved at age 11, were baptized in the Holy Spirit at age 12 and have been on fire for Christ ever since. They portray this unattainable image of perfection and their demeanor alone is condemning.  Romans 3:23 [NLT] plainly states 

‘For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard’.  

When I first got saved, I was soooo self-righteous, judgmental and would instantly condemn anyone I saw living in sin. * laughs *  how foolish! When I fell into sin myself it was definitely a humbling process. Now when self-righteousness tries to creep up on me, I instantly remind myself of Ephesians 2: 8 [NLT] which says

‘God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God.’

So for my saved and sanctified Christian brothers and sisters reading this post, I challenge you to prayerfully share your testimony of salvation and keep it REAL. Obviously apply wisdom. God knows I am not going to share every minute detail of my past on this blog. LOOOOOL * somebody shout THANK YOU JESUS FOR YOUR SAVING GRACE *  Amen!

Mini sermon over, now back to where we left off… Yes, so I was in a relationship, mind you this guy was nothing short of AMAZING but I broke up with him before I left London for my first year at Uni. Rather than finding a church on campus, I joined the pole dancing society. Don’t get me wrong pole dancing is an amazing SPORT which requires sheer skills and talent. But clearly you can see where my priorities were. Slowly but surely I grew cold. I started drinking, which seemed harmless at first but proved to be dangerous because when I drank I was no longer in control of myself. I refer to this part of my life as the ‘YOLO’ season. I had lost all regard for God. I went deeper into to sin than I could have ever imagined and I decided that there was no point going back. I got comfortable in my sin and in a lifestyle that was displeasing to God. As the devil would have it I fell in ‘love' or what i thought was 'love'. Although the situation (I dear not call it a relationship) was dysfunctional, to me it was perfect and even though my life seemed perfect I felt SOOOOO empty. 

God began pursing me. I remember on my trips back to London I would have these random conversations with one of my big brothers from my church. He could see how I was living, in fact the whole world could and I cared less, but he never once judged, rebuked or bombard me with how much of a sinner I was. Rather he would remind me that God loved me and that He still cared about me. I would laugh, stretch out my hands as wide as I could and reply ‘You don’t get it, God is here and I’m here’. Emphasizing on how far I had ran from God. Little did he know that after EVERY conversation I would go upstairs and cry myself to sleep because I knew God was tugging at my heart begging me to come home. I resisted, because I was way too comfortable in my sin and giving my heart to Him meant I would have to leave the situation I was in. That I wasn’t ready to do.  Then God sent one of my sisters from church to me, and she would say to me ‘I don’t know why but I really feel like God is telling me to send this to you’. It was always a sermon that was convicting and almost warning me of my sin. At one point I thought this girl must be a witch, why on earth is she sending this stuff to me. God was pursing me HARD.

I persistently and stubbornly resisted because I was not willing to let go of my ‘situation’. Nothing, I repeat nothing could prepare me of how the situation would finally end. I was BROKEN. To be perfectly honest I wanted to die, it seems so extreme now but that is how I felt. I cried for days, in fact I wept. I stopped eating; I deleted my instagram and twitter account. I changed my number. I locked myself in my room and just cried for days on end. However something extraordinary, beyond my human comprehension happened. I woke up one day getting ready to cry as usual * my morning routine* but I was interrupted by a call, it wasn’t what I was expecting and I was devastated further, as I opened my mouth to cry I just started praying in tongues. Where from and how i don't know. I got up from my bed and started pacing up an down my room just praying in tongues. I felt like i was in some sort of a fight.  At that very moment I could feel something I can only describe as electrical currents just circulating my entire body. All of a sudden I felt a peace and a calmness that I have never in my life felt before, I can only explain it as Philippians 4: 7 which describes a peace that passes all human understanding. At that very moment I felt as though God was holding my heart in the palm of His hands. Then I grabbed my laptop went on to Youtube and created a worship playlist and began crying but this time I wasn’t crying out of pain.  As the days followed I would pick up my bible and every scripture I read was God telling me He was with me.  He began to show me through His word that He understood everything that was happening. He would send me to listen to particular songs and sermons.  Then randomly a friend of mine that I hadn’t spoken to in months, who had no clue what was happening with me called me and said ‘I feel God telling me to send you this scripture, I don’t know why’.  It was Isaiah 41:8-15. At that very moment I KNEW God was mindful of me, I was assured of His redeeming love.

I stayed secluded and spent my time with God, just praying, worshiping, reading my bible and listening to sermons. I had literally cut out the rest of the world and the only time I went out was to go to church. I joined the choir. I fell in love with Christ again and He gave me a reason to live and fight for my destiny that the devil wanted to destroy. My pain drove me to the feet of Jesus. I became desperate for Him, FINALLY the chase was over. I rededicated my life to JESUS CHRIST and I made a decision on 29^th of October 2012 that there was no going back for me.  Since then I have had minor dip backs (I’ll explain later) but thus far it has been such a phenomenal journey.  I have actively been working on my relationship with God and I can say with every fiber in my body that His LOVE has changed my life completely. Every day He blows me away through the things He shows me and says to me. I could go on and on but His love is simply indescribable.

So if you are reading this post and deep down you know you are not where you used to be in God, you are running away from Him like I was, I am begging you to surrender your all to God, confess your sins and He will forgive you.  1 John 1:9 [NLT] says 

‘But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.’

Don’t wait before it’s too late. God is waiting, He is longing for you to come home.  Like my big brother told me, He loves you and He cares about you wayyyyyyy too much to give up on you.  And please don’t let the devil lie to you and tell you are not good enough or that you need to change and stop your sin before God will accept you. What a LIE!! You don’t have to do ANYTHING but surrender and confess your sins; in your own power you cannot stop sinning. God wants to change your desires; he wants to help you stop sinning. Come as you are you because you are the perfect candidate.

Or if you are reading this and you are frustrated with God because you have been calling out to Him and you feel like he is not interested in you or listening to you, this is for you. Isaiah 59: 1-2 says 1 ‘Listen! The Lord’s arm is not too weak to save you,
nor is his ear too deaf to hear you call .2 It’s your sins that have cut you off from God. Because of your sins, he has turned away and will not listen anymore.’  But you can still cry out to Him, get desperate, confess your sin and He will listen to you.  As Jeremiah 29: 13 says  

‘If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me’.

Lastly to the ‘Sunday Christian’ reading this post, God is challenging you to be consistent with Him. He is challenging you to dare to have a relationship with Him. He wants all of you. He wants full access to your life. He is daring you to surrender your all to Him and to make Him the priority of your life. Revelations 3:16 says 

‘But since you are like lukewarm water, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth’.  Trust me having a relationship with the Holy Spirit will change your life.

God is soooooooooooooooooo in love with you, like my spiritual mentor Pastor Ope always tells me, NEVER forget that!

Thank you sooooo much for reading guys; I can’t wait till the next post.

Covey xx