Hey Guys,
How was your Easter? Mine was amazing in particular Easter Sunday, after a lovely service at church I went
to spend some quality time with my big brother and our topic of discussion was
relationships. *Somebody shout yayyyyyyyyy*
One thing God has been schooling me on is how to understand men. In understanding them, He is teaching me how to
treat, talk and behave towards them. All my life I have had a love hate
relationship with men because so many men have hurt and disappointed me. At one
point I rendered all men useless, as a result I had a zero tolerance policy
towards every man in my life. I had successfully developed the art of brutally
cutting men off. I truly pity the men that have been unfortunate enough to see the
worst of me. I pity the men whose ego’s I had embarked on destroying. I pity
the men who were man enough to show me their vulnerabilities, which I later
used to get even in an argument. I can definitely admit to being a vicious
piece of work. *Thank God for Jesus*
So after a conversation with my
big brother, some of the things he was saying to me about his own experiences really hit home as it
correlated with some of the things God has been teaching me.
He emphasized the
following:
- No man can handle a woman that nags, loves to argue and quarrel.
Proverbs 27:15 [NLT] says
A
quarrelsome wife is as annoying
as constant dripping on a rainy day
Imagine
a tap that is dripping, nothingggggg is more irritating; it is the most
frustrating thing ever. That is what the bible uses to illustrate a woman that
nags and quarrels endlessly. So the next time you want to nag about something,
remember that dripping tap. That my dear is what you sound like. Irritating and
annoying. Rather than nagging, ladies apply wisdom. Wisdom demands that you find the right moment to voice how you feel, do so in such a cunning way that he has no choice but to understand what it is you have to say. Women we have soooooo much power. Use it wisely. *I can't wait to write about the powers of a woman, women are so powerful i fear them.*
- Be your mans peace or he will find that peace elsewhere.
Now
isn’t this the truth. I have learnt this
the hard way and also from some of my male friends. I once asked my
friend why he broke up with his girlfriend and he told me, she complained too much about anything and everything he did, he said there was never any peace as a result he started
speaking to other girls but broke up with her before he cheated. *round of applause to my mate, please ladies don't tell me there are no good men* If you are constantly getting at him he will emotionally cut you off and invest his emotions elsewhere. Now, I am not
excusing a man that cheats, some men just cheat for the sake of cheating. Honestly i don't know why some men cheat. However as a
women you should always ask your self how any of your actions could have
contributed towards a mans wandering eyes. Most men desire peace and would
rather go where they can find that peace, if that is in the bosom of another woman
then unfortunately so be it.
- Every man has an ego. Handle his ego with care.
A
few weeks ago I was at work and I had expressed to my collegues that I wanted
to change my job role and take on something more challenging. One of the guys
from a different department laughed and told me I wasn’t capable. I was
infuriated, knowing fully well that I was currently earning more than him, yet
doing less work I said ‘Errrrm remind me how much you make again, the last time
I checked, I do less than you do, yet I still make more so talk to me when they
increase your pay’. His whole countenance changed and he walked off angry. I
felt so pleased with myself until the Holy Spirit checked me, He said something
along the lines of (I cant remember word
for word and I aint tryna lie on the HS) ‘Cov’s you just bruised his ego.’
He let me understand that often a man is esteemed by what he does. Attacking
and highlighting that I made more than him clearly would have wounded his
pride. Don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong with earning more than your man, a wise woman just knows not to make her man feel as though he can't compare because finically he is not where he should be. I felt terrible and for the first time I saw how I dealt with men who dared
to cross my path, I aimed and fired at their egos where i knew it would hurt. How spiteful. If you want to keep a man learn to speak
to the king in him, learn to massage his ego. I practice on some of my male friends. *winks*
- Every man needs to be respected.
As
women our greatest desire is to be loved, for men their greatest desire is to
be respected. Often men have described me as having a sharp mouth. I foolishly
negated that a wise woman knows how to control her tongue, yet I used my own as
a razor blade. As women we need to respect men with our words.Words are like
eggs once released you can never get them back. Rather than constantly
highlighting his many weaknesses and shortcomings learn to magnify his
strengths until one day those very weaknesses become his strength. Learn to
cover his weakness. Believe it or not men are emotional beings, they may not
show these emotions but they have them. Just like us they have insecurities. If
a man ever shows you his vulnerability, never use it against him because it will destroy his ability to trust you which may be hard to rebuild. I can't stress this enough.
- Before you attack try and understand.
Now
no man is perfect. Often they all make mistakes. How you as a woman
respond to that mistake will determine the outcome of the situation. This is a
hard one. As women we mostly react out of hurt and pain because we are more emotional than rational. For example when a man cheats
our initial reaction is to curse him to his foundation. I know that has always
been my approach however in such situations wisdom suggests that cheating is
often a symptom of a bigger problem. Instead of cursing him out it would be
more beneficial to try a different approach. Bottom line when he does something wrong try and understand why he did what he did rather than using your words to abuse him.
Disclaimer
: Ladies please don’t bite my head off this is coming from a mans perspective
and these are things I have learnt from my own experiences. The reality of life is that I am a single
woman and one day an incredibly handsome, God fearing, favoured man will come
desiring my hand in marriage, until then, in my season of singlehood I must
continuously allow God to prepare me. What better way to start than with
understanding men. Don’t let society or
your bad experiences tell you all men are the same. No they are NOT. Don’t listen to the ungodly
advice of how to handle and deal with a man. Rather than focusing on finding
the perfect man why not focus on allowing God to transform you into becoming
the best woman you can be. By the way you are NOT supposed to be doing any finding, your job is solely to prepare. Lastly seek to develop Godly characteristics such as
patience; having a calm and quiet spirit; being humble and kind you get my
drift.
Clearly
I haven’t suggested the perfect formula of how to lose a man but I can assure
you if you fail to do the above you will definitely be unable to keep any man, regardless of how attractive you are or how well you can cook. Lets face it, with MAC cosmetics any girl can transform into anyone she wants to be and 90% of
girls can cook. What most girls can’t fake is the right attitude and Godly
characteristics. By her fruits you will know her. Simple.
Thank you soooo much for reading.
p.s some of my go to guys on understanding relationships and men are Dr Myles Munroe and TD Jakes because they are soooooo on point.
Till the next post.
Covey x x x
